I often find myself staring at my computer screen in disbelief. I am surprised at how often I am in a state of disbelief. Today's viewing of the outside world via The Internets resulted in a dumbfounded, wide-eyed look of wonder, and it was probably coupled with that sideways puppy-dog expression that I tend to have, complete with a raised eyebrow.
The link is here:Shine on Yahoo: 15 Biggest Beauty Turnoffs From Real Guys [should open in a new window or tab, because I got your back]. Here are some of their comments, and then my comments.
"My wife doesn't dye her hair often enough. I don't like to see those dark roots." -Anonymous
First of all, it's really a good thing that this comment was "Anonymous," because I would really hunt the guy down and have a good sit-down with The Wife. I'd talk her out of dyeing her hair for good, getting her an all-black goth look from the eyes down and then invite them both out to McDonald's at rush hour. I'll ask his boss to meet us, as well. Then I'll say to Anonymous, "So. How do you like her now? Now stop looking at her roots."
"I wish my girlfriend would get a manicure more often instead of doing it herself. She is pretty low-maintenance." -Shaun
Dear Shaun's girlfriend: Ask Shaun for $50.00 about every two weeks without fail. Get a mani-pedi every two weeks and keep any change. After two months, up the amount to $100 to add in massages. Up the amount fifty bucks every couple of months thereafter. You need to up your maintenance level in order to be Shaun's girlfriend. He should pay for it.
"My wife spends 20 minutes after the shower putting on body lotion. Apparently it has to be applied evenly. For me, it is just a time suck." -R.D.S.
Dear R.D.S.'s wife: You are sucking time out of your husband's life. Right before his alarm goes off in the morning, why not plop that glob of lotion you'd normally use for your day on top of his alarm clock? Bet he'll save some time when he pops out of bed that day. Go get some really expensive lotion.
"I hate it when women wear any type of fragrance - I like showers." -Bryan
Dear Bryan: Go take a shower. You shouldn't wear those women-fragrances, anyway.