3.12.2006

Smack Attack in a Baby Blue Cadillac

Last week, I was bitten, chewed up and spit on by a very powerful virile bug. It laid me out cold on the couch for a day and a half. The two days after that, I trudged through work, ate saltine crackers all day long and then back on the couch for the rest of the evening. Unfortunately, this was also the week of my writing class in which I decided to enroll, and the first night was also my first day back to work. That coupled with I had a very perky tablemate made for a very long day.

Considering that I was very ill--so sick that I had to leave at lunchtime as soon as I knew a substitute was secured--that I thought what I saw in my rear-view mirror while driving was a hallucination and I had better pull over and call a cab. I looked again, this time drinking in the view like watching a soap. We were stopped at Kellogg and Rock Rd., moving forward two inches every ten minutes.

The girl had grabbed the driver's male bald head, pulling him down towards her shoulder and then letting go only to smack him where her hand had been on his head. His long basketball arms waved her away, not so much fighting back as he was trying to ward from another smackdown in the middle of traffic. His car was also inching closer to the back of mine and I prayed for my two inches to come quickly.

She pulled at him again, this time, grabbing his ear. His mouth rounded into a yawping O, and I heard the silent yell from the young man who this time did more than just wave her away, but then put the smacks on her. They were like ducks diving into a pond.

One bent over.
Smack!
Bobs up
The other bends over.
Smack!
Bobs up

Wonder what they were so ticked about.

I moved up another two inches and I moved over into a turn lane, hoping that the blue caddy people were continuing straight. I felt more comfortable with them running into a semi than fighting their way into me.

No such luck.

The young man received a small reprieve as he turned around the corner, but that's all she gave him. She reached around his head and grabbed the other ear, pulled him down, then with her other hand, hit him across the head before letting go. Ruthless, cold and fast!

I lost them (or they lost me?) shortly thereafter.

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